Peacemaker Solutions

Journaling Guidelines and Considerations 

Journaling doesn't have to be done daily, however, getting started might require doing so daily to develop a better understanding of the pattern of your thoughts and behaviors. The purpose of journaling is develop an understanding of how your brain is processing information and you have the power to gain control of your thoughts and feelings and better manage them to have different outcomes.

1) Write down what has occured during the day.

2) What was your contribution to the events?

3) What different outcomes did you want to see?

4) What could you do differently towards the outcome(s) you want to have?

Treasures from the Midst of Conflict:

How is your message of love being communicated to your spouse and children? Are you sending mixed messages? Is your love overshadowed by bitterness, complaining, criticism, disdain, lack of control, frustration, hostility, etc.? Do they have to remind themselves of your love for them despite the delivery of your correction or suggestion? Do you have to reassure or remind them that you love them because that may not have been clear in your communication? If you Have answered "yes" to any of these questions, then I want to challenge you to be mindful and purposeful about your love communication to those you love. Take the time to pause and ensure that your message of love is being communicated consistently in your words, demeanor, and actions. People perceive and feel loved from their loved ones through consistent communication not otherwise.

Contact Jacqueline Oduselu, LPC for more insights on how to improve your communication with your loved ones at :

Mrs. Jacqueline Oduselu, M.S., NCC, LPC

Professional Mediator & Counselor

General/Civil, Domestic Relations (Divorce), SDV, Juvenile and Deprivation Mediation

Peacemaker Solutions, LLC

1905 Woodstock Road, Suite 7150

Roswell, GA 30075

Phone: (678) 5821-1469

Fax: (770) 212-2210

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.peacemaker-solutions.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PeacemakerSol

Psychology Today Link: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/108341

Let me share something with you about APOLOGIES.

As a result of mediating conflicts with people ranging in age in the Juvenile, Magistrate, and Superior Courts of Metro Atlanta, Georgia, I've come to understand why some find it difficult to apologize after conflict has wrought havoc, especially in relationships near and far despite subsequent hurt and/or damages.

#1. Apologies are for behavior not feelings. Meaning you are entitled to your feelings, and you don't have to apologize for how you feel. However, you are not entitled to behave in certain ways as a result of those feelings, especially, when you intend to harm another person or property. For example, in certain situations it is expected that you would experience feelings of anger, however, your resulting behavior- how you physically react or respond can cross the line into offense when you harm another person or property.

#2. Feelings are a reaction response, voluntary or involuntary. You develop feelings in response to stimuli that can be influenced by perception. You can change/adjust your feelings based on desire and time, even intent, prior to acting out on the basis of those feelings. Which leads us to behavior, the action.

#3. Behavior is the decision upon which you put into action. It is here where the true essence of an apology resides. It is here, in action, aka. behavior, that insult and injury are made manifest and the limitations of your feelings exist at the beginning of another person's property and person. Behavior DOES INCLUDE the VERBAL EXCHANGE between two parties. Unfortunately, it is here, in behavior, that the apology is applicable to wrong decision-making, not the basis for the decision.

In conclusion, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT APOLOGIES THINK BEHAVIOR, NOT FEELINGS.

Your marriage is a garden that must be tended. When ignored or left unattended, you will discover weeds have grown and stunted the growth of that which you have planted; you will also find the leaves of sprouts and more have been chewed, wilted/withered, fruit will be spoiled and/or non-existent because they have been eaten by pests or stolen by rodents/varmints. You will find that you will not want to be there because of the depressed look and lack of substance from the garden. 

When your marriage is tended you will find plump ripe fruits and vegetables from which you may pluck and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Your garden will look beautiful and bountiful. You will even want to spend more time in it because of the results.

Please note that tending your garden requires work that only you can do, unlike botanical gardens--where you can hire someone to do it for you. Your work will mean that you get dirty sometimes in the process, but when you arise with aching back, dirty knees, sweat soaked face and shirt you will look down with great pride at the beautiful progress you have made! The first time you get down there to weed it out and set the order that you would like will require the most work, but after that is done all you will have to do is simply maintain on a regular basis, which will require less work when done consistently.

What kind of marital garden are you after? How do you tend your garden?

Here are few resources that can be used to tend your marital garden.

Until Next Time,

Jacqueline Oduselu, MS, NCC, LPC